Open request

Dear people in charge of the Dr. Pepper company,

I am writing this letter to beg you to continue to manufacture Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper. I know I was skeptical at first. After all, Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper is nearly indistinguishable from regular Diet Dr. Pepper and therefore is a stupid waste of fridge space (no offense). But I was wrong to doubt Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper, wronger than I can say. It is the finest carbonated beverage I have ever drunken. I love its retro '70s Roll-Bounce-style label. I love how inside every bottle is a "Save $1" coupon that is impossible to extract without a sharp pair of scissors and an agile hand. I love how it turns my tongue an unnatural shade of red. And I love most of all its delicious flavor. How did you manage to convert Tootsie Roll to liquid form?

I know you keep saying this is a limited-time thing. And I accepted those terms when I signed up. But now I don't know how I'd go on without it. When I look back on that thing with Diet Sunkist, I see what a child I was. Please don't make me go back.

Yours truly,
Nailgun Alley