Chop chop

Like many people, I have a difficult relationship with my hair. It does things I don't want it to do. Most annoyingly, it grows. Every time I get it cut, I say, "I don't care what you do, as long as it's extremely short." I'll gladly look like Private First Class Jacobs at first if it means that I don't have to go through this bothersome haircutting ordeal for another two months. Unfortunately, very few stylists seem to comply, and I am almost always left itching for a cut in three weeks. So I decided to forget this professional-haircut poppycock and take matters into my own hands. If it goes badly, I figured, I've got a purple wig and I'm not afraid to use it.

For $3.99 -- a fraction of the cost of a haircut! -- I bought something called the Tinkle Hair Cutter. The Tinkle is a comb with a double-edged blade embedded in it, "so you can cut your hair as you comb it." And really, who hasn't wished they could save time by both combing their hair and ripping six inches off of it with a cheap rusty razor at the same time? Count me in. I plunged ahead. The results? Perfect! Or at least, well ... adequate! Let's just say I am far less afraid of the Tinkle Hair Cutter than the lady on its package appears to be:


Thanks to the latest hair styling created by my Tinkle Hair Cutter, I won't be in a salon chair anytime soon.